i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
