When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
