Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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