you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
