Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
