Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
