You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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