I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
