My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
