What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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