Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
