just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
