I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
