i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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