Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
