5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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