I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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