my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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