I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize