Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish you could order shots online.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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