my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There's always time for handjobs
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm sobbing to NWA
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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