We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have feelings that need drinking.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
