After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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