everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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