I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My balls are so social today.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
