You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
