I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The struggles of a small town man whore
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
