my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
