oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
