cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I need moral support for this bender
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
