I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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