Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
