I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
