Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
