did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
