is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
