New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
