Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
