I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
