I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
