Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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