oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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