I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
