Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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