i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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