suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Too much gin, very little bucket
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
