I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
