So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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