All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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