once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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