How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
