dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
