don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
