Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
