out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
