all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
